Excerpt from our book, Victims to Victors



For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

Malachi 2:16

2. ADULTERY IS THE ONLY REASON FOR DIVORCE – If you are currently married, the only reason for divorce is fornication. You are free to remarry in a situation like this.

 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: {32} But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Matthew 5:31-32

And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Matthew 19:9

3. SEPARATION – Separation from your marriage partner is possible when there is severe abuse.

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: {11} But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

(1 Corinthians 7:10-11 KJV) 

4. UNSAVED PARTNERS – If your unsaved marriage partner leaves you and does not want to live with you anymore you are free to divorce them and marry someone else.

 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
It would certainly be bondage and not freedom to tell someone that they could never get remarried because their marriage partner deserted them.

1 Corinthians 7:15

5. MARRYING A NON-CHRISTIAN – A Christian should never marry a non-Christian.

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

2 Corinthians 6:14

6. DO NOT SEEK DIVORCE FROM AN UNSAVED SPOUSE – When one partner in the marriage is unsaved, you should not divorce but make every effort possible to make it work.

But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. {13} And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

1 Corinthians 7:12-13

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; {2} While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

1 Peter 3:1-2

Divorce is not the unpardonable sin. However, it is not God’s perfect will for our lives. God knows all the frustrating things that go with divorces and He has tried to spare us from those things. There are problems with finances, children, families on both sides and our relationship with God, etc. We often have more problem forgiving ourselves that anyone else involved. There are many times people marry out of the will of God for their lives. When that happens, we must strive to do the best we can do in those situations by following what the Word of God says to do, as in the Scriptures we have already shared with you. If we are truly a child of God, we can seek forgiveness from God for our mistakes and forgive others involved in the circumstances.

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: {15} But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 6:14-15

 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. {10} If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

1 John 1:9-10

My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: {2} And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.

1 John 2:1-2

Even after explaining all of those passages, we have found others when dealing with a spouse who is abusing their mate.

The LORD will cut off the man that doeth this, the master and the scholar, out of the tabernacles of Jacob, and him that offereth an offering unto the LORD of hosts.
(13) And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand.
(14) Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
(15) And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
(16) For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
(17) Ye have wearied the LORD with your words. Yet ye say, Wherein have we wearied him? When ye say, Every one that doeth evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and he delighteth in them; or, Where is the God of judgment?

Malachi 2:12-17

The word “treacherously” means:

H898 – בּגד – bâgad – baw-gad’
A primitive root; to cover (with a garment); figuratively to act covertly; by implication to pillage: – deal deceitfully (treacherously, unfaithfully), offend, transgress (-or), (depart), treacherous (dealer, -ly, man), unfaithful (-ly, man), X very.

Therefore, we can see how much the Lord hates this kind of behavior and may indeed be a legitimate cause for divorce.


Just a word here about victims and forgiving themselves in the case of divorce. We have written a whole section on Divorce (Appendix Two) and God’s perfect plan and the circumstances that are dealt with according to the word of God. The reason why he laid out his perfect plan is because He knew there would be problems connected with divorce – He knew it would cause heartache in the spouses involved, the children, and the rest of the family.

There are many factors that pertain to divorce such as salvation, sin, rash vows, soul ties, iniquities, word curses, and multiple personalities. We have written about each factor in this book. When people make the vows to marry, they are supposed to join themselves to the other person for the rest of their lives. It is more than a physical act of going through a civil ceremony. They are supposed to cleave (glue) themselves to each other as we explain in the Soul ties section. They are supposed to spiritually join every facet of that marriage to God. This is the perfect plan of God. It is devastating to victims when they carry ungodly soul ties (be they willing or non-willing) from former sexual relationships into a new sexual relationship in a new marriage. The garbage of un-Godly soul ties remain until a person acknowledges them and prays for cleansing and forgiveness.

Then there is the possibility of iniquities that have been handed down from another generation that tempt the victim or cause the victim to have a compulsion to act in an un-Godly way going from one relationship to another. Many victims say their personalities caused problems in their relationships. All these factors make divorce a difficult situation to deal with in deliverance ministry and especially in the area of forgiveness.

As ministers of the word of God we are required to show the Victor what God’s word has to say and the only reasons why God allows divorce. We cannot suggest that a person get a divorce even if it seems there are valid reasons. There is always the possibility of healing on both sides of the relationship. We can stand by the Victor before, during, and after the divorce and minister healing in the areas where it has created trauma. The Victor will have to stand before God with their own decision. We have ministered in many difficult situations. We have met many victims who have made rash vows (Appendix Five) and made bad choices of marriage partners that have ended in divorce because they were un-saved or not in a stable condition spiritually, emotionally, or mentally or else their spouse just divorced them whether they wanted it or not. They often had no control over themselves because they were being controlled by others, iniquities or soul ties, etc..

However in some cases, a person may decide to leave because of just not being able to cope with the relationship and because of suicidal thoughts or attempts. If a person is a non-Christian at the time of the divorce it is an entirely different matter. However, after the Victor has decided to become a Christian and believe they can be totally free through what Jesus did on the cross, they need to forgive themselves for making the wrong decisions and ask God for forgiveness. In the case of a Christian getting divorced, they are responsible to God. A Christian is supposed to live their lives in obedience to God, His word, and do what pleases God. Of course, only God can know and judge a person’s heart.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? {10} I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.

Jeremiah 17:9-10

To make divorce the unpardonable sin would be devastating to many victims because the decisions were made in bad situations. Once we realize we have sinned even in a divorce situation, we need to learn from our mistakes, be cleansed and forgiven of our sins, and go on with our lives living in obedience to God’s word.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9

1. Forgiveness does not mean tolerating abuse.

If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. {19} Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. {20} Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. {21} Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:18-21

2. Forgiveness does not mean you approve of the person’s behavior.

But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, {28} Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.

Luke 6:27-28

3. Forgiveness is a decision of the will to release the person who has wronged you of any debt, or commitment or apology that you feel they owe you and to release all bitterness to God.

Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: {15} Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

Hebrews 12:14-15

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: {32} And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:31-32

4. If you have unforgiveness toward someone, you will begin to react emotionally every time you are around that person. If you do not forgive someone, you are allowing that person to control you!

Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

2 Corinthians 3:17

When you do not forgive someone who has hurt you, you are not ruling your own spirit or your will, and you will leave yourself wide open to attack from the enemy.

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.

Proverbs 25:28

Satan is the accuser of the brethren and he delights in inflicting condemning thoughts in your head. If you have truly forgiven those that have hurt you, it takes away his control over that part of your life. Your heart will be joyous that you have already taken care of that un-forgiveness and it will make you stronger and not ashamed in the sight of God.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

1 Peter 5:8

There will be a time when the devil will no longer be able to accuse us.

And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.
Until that time we must be on our guard to prevent him from getting a foot-hold in our lives.

Revelation 12:10

The Victor must pray for the Holy Spirit to bring to their mind the name of every person that they have any unforgiveness or bitterness toward. The Victor should write down these names (or initials if preferred). This list does not have to be shared with anyone, but each one needs to be dealt with.

The minister should anoint the Victor with oil and pray for the Holy Spirit to enable the victor to release unforgiveness from their heart for each person on their list, being careful not to omit putting their own name on the list, as we often have the hardest problem forgiving ourselves. (See Appendix Five – Rash Vows)

The Victor must pray through their list one person at a time, forgiving each person from their heart; not forgetting to ask God for forgiveness for blaming Him and also asking that all bitterness against Him be released. This is very important because if bitterness toward God is not released, future growth will be thwarted.
Close the session in prayer asking God to protect and seal the work that you have done.

Father God, we thank you for your forgiveness of us. Help us not to go back to our old habits of bitterness and help us to be strong when the accuser of the brethren tries to inflict us with guilt and unforgiveness again. We ask you now to seal the work that we have done as we forgive all those who have hurt us. Amen.

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